Final Class Reflection

soooo this semester did not start off great. I think I mentioned this before, but I spent my whole first year here hating UNCW and hating film studies because I really didn't have close friends with whom to share my love of film. I spent every minute of every class just wanting to be home already. But when I started this class, I immediately liked almost everyone and could instantly sense a strong sense of community amongst everyone (after all, we all really wanted to be there; why else would we have willingly taken a class on experimental film?). As we began doing the projects, I started to actually look forward to class meetings and working on the assignments. Then, when my group and I went downtown to shoot for Assignment 1C, as I pointed the Pentax camera at a glowing American Spirits sign at a corner shop, I had a realization: I was having fun.

Fun?? Film had not been fun to me since before I'd started in the program. Yet here I was, laughing and having the best time ever while working on a project for a film class.

I've learned so much in this class, but maybe not in the traditional sense. I mean, yes, I've learned more information about experimental filmmakers than my brain can possibly contain; I learned about how to shoot on film and use light meters; I learned how to use a ton of different effects in Premiere (thanks Briese); I learned how to throw a damn art installation. But I also learned how to come out of my shell more, how to be more confident in myself and my talent as a filmmaker, and how to have fun doing so. It sounds so cheesy, but this class (along with several other personal little life changes) has completely altered my outlook on film studies, on my future career, and on my life itself. I honestly feel like a different person than I was when I began this semester; slowly but surely, I am becoming the person I really want to be. I like it.

So thank you experimental film, thank you FST 302-003, thank you Shannon, for generally just making me a better person overall. I loved experimental film before I took this class, but now it has a whole new meaning to me. And thanks to Window Water Baby Moving, I now have the coolest video to show any time my friends and I don't know what to watch. Viva experimental!!

VFF Reflection ***long rambly blog cw***

I'm still coming down from the Virginia Film Festival high, but I can say with confidence that it was everything I'd hoped it would be and more. While, as expected, my emotions did run pretty high and I got quite overwhelmed at times, it was overall one of the best experiences of my college career so far. The films were all incredible (except Call Me By Your Name which I despised with the utmost fervor), the city was beautiful, and the people were beyond amazing. Everyone was so nice and welcoming! I really had nothing to worry about. My biggest concern was that I would be too afraid to go to screenings alone, but because practically every screening took place down the street from one another, it was not a problem at all. I was also able to get into every film I wanted to see, even if it meant queuing up in the 20 degree weather for an hour to do so.

As I mentioned before, this was the first film festival I'd ever attended, so basically everything was a learning experience for me as a filmmaker. I learned a lot about networking and its importance, and I saw some really innovative editing techniques and storytelling modes in many of the feature and short screenings I attended. Our group befriended a student from London whose short horror film was featured in the festival (as well as many others around the world), and he gave us a lot of great tips for submitting to festivals.

I think I also learned to have a little more confidence at VFF. This ties directly into my favorite experience; I attended the screening of William H. Macy's film Krystal, which was followed by a Q&A with him as well as his producer, Rachel Winter. It took place in the biggest theatre there and was jam packed with people. (Something else that made this particular experience great was that while I was waiting in line to hopefully snag a stray nosebleed seat for the film, a random woman walked up to me and just gave me her extra fourth row ticket. I almost cried!) At one point during the Q&A, I suddenly felt my hand shoot up completely of its own accord, and heard my traitorous mouth exclaim, "I have a question for Rachel!" Suddenly, I was standing up in front of 1,000 people telling Rachel Winter how inspiring it was for me to see so many successful female filmmakers at the event and asking her if she had any advice to give to an "aspiring successful female filmmaker." Her response was wonderful; she told me not to give up no matter what, and she basically implied that the time for female filmmakers is now and that we have a disposition to try twice as hard because we've had to all our lives. She also said a lot of other great things but honestly the realization of what I had done was setting in at this point and I was just trying not to faint. (I didn't fully stop shaking for two hours.)

I was probably most surprised by how kind everyone I encountered at the festival was. Not once did I get a vibe that the locals there were irritated by the presence of so many "tourists;" the volunteers and staff were all incredibly helpful and willing to chat about UNCW and Visions; attendees, students, and professors alike were constantly striking up conversation with me while we waited in line for screenings. It was such a refreshing, stimulating atmosphere, which wasn't necessarily unexpected for me. I just didn't consider what a difference being surrounded by such friendly people could make. I was also quite surprised by the number of retired people who live in Charlottesville. I thought that's what Florida was for. (Unlike Cevann, I only mean this in a very slightly ageist way (-:)

I think that if I had been a filmmaker presenting at a festival before attending VFF, I would have been a complete nervous wreck. Now, post-VFF me would still be a nervous wreck, but much less so. Having no other festival experience to compare to, I can't say for certain, but VFF was definitely an environment that fostered the creativity and empowerment of the filmmakers. Everyone is there to have a good time, meet some good people, and watch some good films. The worst thing that could happen is you run the risk that some people won't like your film, but so what? Enough people liked it for it to be screening at a festival in the first place, so obviously something is working. Of course, I know that if I ever actually present at a film festival all of these logical statements will fly out the window and I'll be terrified. But that day (if it ever comes) is still very far off in my future.

Overall, VFF was an unforgettable experience that I will treasure forever. It definitely renewed my love for film and the community it cultivates, and it made me all the more excited to actually be a part of running our very own festival next semester. Spring, please come immediately!!

Installation Plans

I'm actually pretty excited for the installation project. It's a very unique assignment and probably something I'd never have the opportunity to do otherwise. I also have a really great group, which always helps. The idea for our installation is to attempt to convey the different affects of mass media (particularly the consequences of overconsumption of it) on the individual. We came up with a lot of bizarre ideas in order to express this theme, and I think if done right they will work out nicely. For instance, we want to show an individual representing the deadly sin of gluttony (stuffing his face on a couch disgustingly) as he watches a film we will project onto a large TV set that Ben is going to build. I think it will look interesting in the end, but my only fear is that our idea may be a bit overdone. Many art projects nowadays choose to direct their focus to the effects of media consumption, but hopefully ours will be done in a way unique enough to allow us to stand apart from the crowd.

VFF Pre-Event Blog

It's a great thing that I'm poor and was waiting until the last possible minute to buy my Cucalorus pass, because due to a series of lucky circumstances, I'm now attending Virginia Film Festival instead! I'm so excited it's consuming my every passing thought. I made my intended schedule for the event and it's packed so full of films I probably won't even have time to eat or maybe even sleep; it's a dream come true!

Let's get down to it!

1. Intentions
This experience is going to be infinitely invaluable to me not only as a filmmaker, but as a future member of Visions, as well. First and foremost, seeing the work of others in my field is always inspiring and serves to influence a surge of creativity in my own work, which is something I desperately need right now. I'm in one of the worst artistic slumps of my life, and I'm really holding out hope that attending VFF is going to improve that significantly. In terms of my upcoming role in Visions as Registration Coordinator, I'm going to be paying special attention to the way a much larger festival manages to organize their attendees in an orderly fashion. Aside from this, though, I have to admit something: I've never attended a film festival, ever, in my entire life. Terrible, I know, for someone who 1) has lived in "Wilmywood" for 12+ years and 2) is about to be working for an actual film festival. I think VFF is going to be a great first experience for me in that regard; it's not significantly huge so I (hopefully) won't be too incredibly overwhelmed, but it's big enough that I'm probably going to be walking around with my mouth hanging open 90% of the time. Way to look like a tourist, future Ryan.

2. Plan of Action
We're supposed to give ourselves three actionable challenges and I would like to declare here and now that my first is to obtain a fake ID by Thursday so I can attend the social events at VFF. I mean, come on people, 21+ for everything? Really? This is a travesty for my 20-years-and-7-months old-self. I don't even want to drink; I just want to network with drunk people! But I'll survive, I guess :-(
Besides, the real fun is going to be attending the screenings I've lined up for myself. As I briefly mentioned earlier, there are...a lot. Perhaps my second actionable challenge should be to not die from exhaustion this weekend. On Saturday I plan to be attending screenings and panels from 11am-11pm. I won't list my whole schedule on here because it really is A Lot, but the screenings/panels I'm most excited for are Call Me By Your Name, A Fantastic Woman, Stalker, and all the short film blocks.
Honestly, the biggest challenge for myself this weekend is going to be forcing myself to attend a lot of the screenings I'm going to alone. Some of the things I'm most excited to see appear to only interest me out of all the people I know who are going. I know after the first day it'll be a piece of cake figuring out where to go, etc., but there's going to be an adjustment period where I'm permanently terrified and just want to hide in my room for the whole weekend (thanks a lot, social anxiety!) I'm really going to have to step out of my comfort zone and be independent while I'm there, because I don't want to let my fear of doing things alone stop me from seeing some of the coolest things I'll probably have ever seen in my 20 years and 7 months.

Anyway, this is significantly longer than 300 words but I'm so excited I just wanna talk about it forever and all my friends are really sick of me doing just that so I'm glad I was able to express all my feelings here instead. Thank God for blogging!

Music Video Thoughts

I honestly had no idea what to expect from this project, and I was pretty surprised when we went over the assignment sheet. It's structured like a narrative shoot, which is very daunting to me, especially considering I've barely been on any sets. Those settings are so intimidating to me; being around so many of my peers, most of whom have more experience/talent/general knowledge than me, really eggs on the imposter syndrome. But after having met with my group, I feel a little bit better, if only because I now know that we're all flailing and stressing over this at least a little bit.

I just hope I don't end up feeling like I'm not contributing enough. I've tried to really put my best foot forward and contribute in other pre-planning areas, too, since I feel that my job isn't quite as important as basic scheduling, storyboarding, etc. But I'm really excited to do makeup on people who aren't me! We're still finalizing our concept at the moment, but I hope I get to use a lot of fun colors and clothes. It's also very convenient that I work at a costume shop and get a 30% discount :-) Overall, I'm nervous as hell for this project and stressing simply over how stressed I know I will be when we start to get into crunch time, but I'm also a little (lot) bit excited to see where it takes us and what we can achieve.

Self Portrait

I've gone through a lot of major life changes and turbulent events in the past month or so. When we were assigned this project I had plans to make a happy, if nostalgic, little film about how much my life has changed since my time in Asheville. Then life had to go and change a whole lot once again!

I don't wanna get too personal on here, but I tend to block all my emotions to a very unhealthy point, and while several bad things happened to me recently, I felt absolutely nothing about any of them. I refused to really talk or think about any of it and pushed everything way way down.  My self portrait is a reflection of that - this strangling feeling of knowing you should feel a certain way and instead being greeted by sheer numbness when you try to address it. Hopefully it comes off that way???

I'm not completely satisfied with the final product. Emotional blockage kinda = creative blockage. I was really stumped about how I wanted to approach this and I wish I could have shot some cooler b roll. But there'll always be a next time, and hopefully then I'll be a lot more stable and my work will reflect that and it will all be great! Hopefully!

From Arthouse to Microcinema

There seems to be a trend in the arts nowadays towards constantly trying to find something "new" and "alternative" to the mainstream. Of course, art is all about challenging oneself and discovering new possibilities in the medium. Without this desire for a genre that defies convention, experimental film itself would not even exist. However, I feel like there is a limit to the boundaries we can push in terms of filmmaking and exhibition. Microcinema seems to be more about the gimmick of underground film as a concept than the art itself. Like...we get it, it's different, it's "hipster," it's niche to go see a low budget experimental documentary student film shown on a VHS tape in a room of ten other people, but other than the edginess of it all, what's really the point? I guess it cultivates a community of like-minded individuals, and I always want to support filmic endeavors that aren't monetarily based, but microcinema just feels so...extra.

Learning Objectives

I realized quickly when I began film school that I had made a grave mistake.

I hate group projects.

I've always loathed them because it only grows more difficult to coordinate schedules the higher you get in your education. I hate them because I'm absolutely not a people person, and working with others is often both uncomfortable and frustrating for me. I hate them because 99% of the time, I end up doing more than my fair share.

Of course, film as an art is basically one giant, never-ending group project. So naturally, film school is going to be one giant, never-ending goddamn group project.

However, my notions about group work have been flipped completely since the start of this class. Maybe it's because everyone is equally as passionate about experimental film (why would you take an experimental class if you weren't?). Maybe through coincidence alone we just ended up with an amazing class. Whatever the reason, I've enjoyed this two month long group project more than anything else I've ever done in film school.

I really feel like we're our own little tiny film community. We've all worked so hard on each aspect of this project, and gotten to know each other better with each week. I learn so much every time I work with a new group because everyone has different strengths and areas of expertise they bring to the table. (I hope I was able to help at least one person learn something!)

It wasn't without its difficulties. Coordinating schedules amongst a bunch of college seniors is probably the most challenging thing anyone has ever had to do in the history of ever. Sometimes having a bunch of strong, passionate people working together can lead to quarrels and heads butting. But at the end of the day, no matter how overwhelmed or frustrated I got, everything worked out and we were able to produce a project I could feel genuinely proud of, and I rarely ever feel that way.

Overall I would say I don't hate group work quite so much anymore, but maybe I only don't hate it when I'm working with this class. I'm gonna follow all of you everywhere for the rest of our careers sorry in advance

Assignment 1C

Since I knew absolutely nothing about shooting on film prior to Assignment 1C, let's just assume I learned a very great deal in a very short amount of time. But aside from the basic principles behind shooting on film, I also learned a lot about patience. When taking a picture of something digitally, you have the freedom of as many shots as you could possibly want, so the exact framing, composition, light, etc. isn't a huge deal because you can always take more and/or edit in post. With film, you have to take the time to really frame the image exactly how you want it, because you only have so much film to work with. It's quite analogous to today's society as a whole; everything is so accessible and fast-paced that it can be very difficult or perhaps even seen as unnecessary to "slow down" and take the extra time to really get things right. I know I often feel that way even when I'm working on other assignments in school. It's very easy to have that "just get it done" mentality, so being forced to take things slow was a refreshing change and a lesson in patience I'm sure all of us could use at one point or another.

Responses to Filmmaker Presentations

Stan's presentation on Stan was Stantastic. Embarrassingly, I knew very little about Brakhage prior to last week, aside from having seen his very well-known films such as Mothlight (which, between you and me, I hate). I had heard of Window Water Baby Moving, but I didn't know exactly what it was about. While Brakhage's entire life and many of his works were fascinating to learn about (Stan did a lovely job presenting), I could not stop thinking about the small snippet of WWBM we watched in class. It was so beautiful. As soon as I got home that afternoon I looked up the full film, sat down with my roommate (who had never seen an experimental film, period) and hit play. By the end of the film we had both sunk deep into the couch with our mouths slightly open. We sat in silence for several moments until my roommate said, "I'm never having kids."

I felt...the opposite way? Don't get me wrong, I dislike children as much as, if not more than, the average college student, but this film was really touching to me. It made me respect my mother and everyone else's so much more than I already did. The love they must have for us is incredible for them to have all done something like that for us. It made me want my own little family to be blissfully euphoric about someday. I wiped a little tear off my cheek and responded to my roommate, "I'm going to eat my placenta."

On a completely different note, George Kuchar might be my favorite person in the entire world now?? Christian did a great job capturing his personality and eccentricity and I think I am in love with him. I want to watch everything he has ever created. Probably the best part of Christian's presentation was when she shared all of Kuchar's hilarious, sarcasm-riddled quotes and letters of recommendation. What a guy. I want to marry him and be his best friend and his daughter all at once. I'm sorry, I'm just so excited about how incredible this man was. Does this manic blog post weirdly mimic his filmmaking style? If so, let's pretend that was my intention all along!

light observations

i'm copying melody fayth hopefully this is right

1. my boyfriend's room is very dark all the time. his walls and sheets are both a dark blue, and his room faces the house's shady backyard. little beams of white light poke through the blinds in the afternoon, landing on dakota's blanket as little blue rectangles. dakota has a green bulb in his floor lamp, and it casts a dim green glow around the room, tinting everything slightly. still, every color in the room is muted from the general lack of a bright light source, and it's so cozy i want to curl up and go to sleep forever.

2. north 5th avenue is banked on both sides by large trees that canopy the street. the afternoon sunlight scatters through the thick leaves and onto the newly paved road, creating beautiful star shaped patterns. it reflects off the windshields and shiny hoods of the cars parallel parked on either side of the street. dakota and i walk across the bridge that leads to 5th and red cross and look at the landscape below. a grassy valley devoid of trees, the bright sunlight hits it directly, showcasing the dramatic green color of the field (it will begin to turn yellow soon). dakota's brown hair is shiny in the direct sunlight - it's several shades lighter out here, almost a honey blonde. the blue in my hair is much more obvious under the natural light. we cross the bridge and continue to walk under the shade of the ancient downtown trees once more.