I honestly had no idea what to expect from this project, and I was pretty surprised when we went over the assignment sheet. It's structured like a narrative shoot, which is very daunting to me, especially considering I've barely been on any sets. Those settings are so intimidating to me; being around so many of my peers, most of whom have more experience/talent/general knowledge than me, really eggs on the imposter syndrome. But after having met with my group, I feel a little bit better, if only because I now know that we're all flailing and stressing over this at least a little bit.
I just hope I don't end up feeling like I'm not contributing enough. I've tried to really put my best foot forward and contribute in other pre-planning areas, too, since I feel that my job isn't quite as important as basic scheduling, storyboarding, etc. But I'm really excited to do makeup on people who aren't me! We're still finalizing our concept at the moment, but I hope I get to use a lot of fun colors and clothes. It's also very convenient that I work at a costume shop and get a 30% discount :-) Overall, I'm nervous as hell for this project and stressing simply over how stressed I know I will be when we start to get into crunch time, but I'm also a little (lot) bit excited to see where it takes us and what we can achieve.
Self Portrait
I've gone through a lot of major life changes and turbulent events in the past month or so. When we were assigned this project I had plans to make a happy, if nostalgic, little film about how much my life has changed since my time in Asheville. Then life had to go and change a whole lot once again!
I don't wanna get too personal on here, but I tend to block all my emotions to a very unhealthy point, and while several bad things happened to me recently, I felt absolutely nothing about any of them. I refused to really talk or think about any of it and pushed everything way way down. My self portrait is a reflection of that - this strangling feeling of knowing you should feel a certain way and instead being greeted by sheer numbness when you try to address it. Hopefully it comes off that way???
I'm not completely satisfied with the final product. Emotional blockage kinda = creative blockage. I was really stumped about how I wanted to approach this and I wish I could have shot some cooler b roll. But there'll always be a next time, and hopefully then I'll be a lot more stable and my work will reflect that and it will all be great! Hopefully!
I don't wanna get too personal on here, but I tend to block all my emotions to a very unhealthy point, and while several bad things happened to me recently, I felt absolutely nothing about any of them. I refused to really talk or think about any of it and pushed everything way way down. My self portrait is a reflection of that - this strangling feeling of knowing you should feel a certain way and instead being greeted by sheer numbness when you try to address it. Hopefully it comes off that way???
I'm not completely satisfied with the final product. Emotional blockage kinda = creative blockage. I was really stumped about how I wanted to approach this and I wish I could have shot some cooler b roll. But there'll always be a next time, and hopefully then I'll be a lot more stable and my work will reflect that and it will all be great! Hopefully!
From Arthouse to Microcinema
There seems to be a trend in the arts nowadays towards constantly trying to find something "new" and "alternative" to the mainstream. Of course, art is all about challenging oneself and discovering new possibilities in the medium. Without this desire for a genre that defies convention, experimental film itself would not even exist. However, I feel like there is a limit to the boundaries we can push in terms of filmmaking and exhibition. Microcinema seems to be more about the gimmick of underground film as a concept than the art itself. Like...we get it, it's different, it's "hipster," it's niche to go see a low budget experimental documentary student film shown on a VHS tape in a room of ten other people, but other than the edginess of it all, what's really the point? I guess it cultivates a community of like-minded individuals, and I always want to support filmic endeavors that aren't monetarily based, but microcinema just feels so...extra.
Learning Objectives
I realized quickly when I began film school that I had made a grave mistake.
I hate group projects.
I've always loathed them because it only grows more difficult to coordinate schedules the higher you get in your education. I hate them because I'm absolutely not a people person, and working with others is often both uncomfortable and frustrating for me. I hate them because 99% of the time, I end up doing more than my fair share.
Of course, film as an art is basically one giant, never-ending group project. So naturally, film school is going to be one giant, never-ending goddamn group project.
However, my notions about group work have been flipped completely since the start of this class. Maybe it's because everyone is equally as passionate about experimental film (why would you take an experimental class if you weren't?). Maybe through coincidence alone we just ended up with an amazing class. Whatever the reason, I've enjoyed this two month long group project more than anything else I've ever done in film school.
I really feel like we're our own little tiny film community. We've all worked so hard on each aspect of this project, and gotten to know each other better with each week. I learn so much every time I work with a new group because everyone has different strengths and areas of expertise they bring to the table. (I hope I was able to help at least one person learn something!)
It wasn't without its difficulties. Coordinating schedules amongst a bunch of college seniors is probably the most challenging thing anyone has ever had to do in the history of ever. Sometimes having a bunch of strong, passionate people working together can lead to quarrels and heads butting. But at the end of the day, no matter how overwhelmed or frustrated I got, everything worked out and we were able to produce a project I could feel genuinely proud of, and I rarely ever feel that way.
Overall I would say I don't hate group work quite so much anymore, but maybe I only don't hate it when I'm working with this class. I'm gonna follow all of you everywhere for the rest of our careers sorry in advance
I hate group projects.
I've always loathed them because it only grows more difficult to coordinate schedules the higher you get in your education. I hate them because I'm absolutely not a people person, and working with others is often both uncomfortable and frustrating for me. I hate them because 99% of the time, I end up doing more than my fair share.
Of course, film as an art is basically one giant, never-ending group project. So naturally, film school is going to be one giant, never-ending goddamn group project.
However, my notions about group work have been flipped completely since the start of this class. Maybe it's because everyone is equally as passionate about experimental film (why would you take an experimental class if you weren't?). Maybe through coincidence alone we just ended up with an amazing class. Whatever the reason, I've enjoyed this two month long group project more than anything else I've ever done in film school.
I really feel like we're our own little tiny film community. We've all worked so hard on each aspect of this project, and gotten to know each other better with each week. I learn so much every time I work with a new group because everyone has different strengths and areas of expertise they bring to the table. (I hope I was able to help at least one person learn something!)
It wasn't without its difficulties. Coordinating schedules amongst a bunch of college seniors is probably the most challenging thing anyone has ever had to do in the history of ever. Sometimes having a bunch of strong, passionate people working together can lead to quarrels and heads butting. But at the end of the day, no matter how overwhelmed or frustrated I got, everything worked out and we were able to produce a project I could feel genuinely proud of, and I rarely ever feel that way.
Overall I would say I don't hate group work quite so much anymore, but maybe I only don't hate it when I'm working with this class. I'm gonna follow all of you everywhere for the rest of our careers sorry in advance
Assignment 1C
Since I knew absolutely nothing about shooting on film prior to Assignment 1C, let's just assume I learned a very great deal in a very short amount of time. But aside from the basic principles behind shooting on film, I also learned a lot about patience. When taking a picture of something digitally, you have the freedom of as many shots as you could possibly want, so the exact framing, composition, light, etc. isn't a huge deal because you can always take more and/or edit in post. With film, you have to take the time to really frame the image exactly how you want it, because you only have so much film to work with. It's quite analogous to today's society as a whole; everything is so accessible and fast-paced that it can be very difficult or perhaps even seen as unnecessary to "slow down" and take the extra time to really get things right. I know I often feel that way even when I'm working on other assignments in school. It's very easy to have that "just get it done" mentality, so being forced to take things slow was a refreshing change and a lesson in patience I'm sure all of us could use at one point or another.
Responses to Filmmaker Presentations
Stan's presentation on Stan was Stantastic. Embarrassingly, I knew very little about Brakhage prior to last week, aside from having seen his very well-known films such as Mothlight (which, between you and me, I hate). I had heard of Window Water Baby Moving, but I didn't know exactly what it was about. While Brakhage's entire life and many of his works were fascinating to learn about (Stan did a lovely job presenting), I could not stop thinking about the small snippet of WWBM we watched in class. It was so beautiful. As soon as I got home that afternoon I looked up the full film, sat down with my roommate (who had never seen an experimental film, period) and hit play. By the end of the film we had both sunk deep into the couch with our mouths slightly open. We sat in silence for several moments until my roommate said, "I'm never having kids."
I felt...the opposite way? Don't get me wrong, I dislike children as much as, if not more than, the average college student, but this film was really touching to me. It made me respect my mother and everyone else's so much more than I already did. The love they must have for us is incredible for them to have all done something like that for us. It made me want my own little family to be blissfully euphoric about someday. I wiped a little tear off my cheek and responded to my roommate, "I'm going to eat my placenta."
On a completely different note, George Kuchar might be my favorite person in the entire world now?? Christian did a great job capturing his personality and eccentricity and I think I am in love with him. I want to watch everything he has ever created. Probably the best part of Christian's presentation was when she shared all of Kuchar's hilarious, sarcasm-riddled quotes and letters of recommendation. What a guy. I want to marry him and be his best friend and his daughter all at once. I'm sorry, I'm just so excited about how incredible this man was. Does this manic blog post weirdly mimic his filmmaking style? If so, let's pretend that was my intention all along!
I felt...the opposite way? Don't get me wrong, I dislike children as much as, if not more than, the average college student, but this film was really touching to me. It made me respect my mother and everyone else's so much more than I already did. The love they must have for us is incredible for them to have all done something like that for us. It made me want my own little family to be blissfully euphoric about someday. I wiped a little tear off my cheek and responded to my roommate, "I'm going to eat my placenta."
On a completely different note, George Kuchar might be my favorite person in the entire world now?? Christian did a great job capturing his personality and eccentricity and I think I am in love with him. I want to watch everything he has ever created. Probably the best part of Christian's presentation was when she shared all of Kuchar's hilarious, sarcasm-riddled quotes and letters of recommendation. What a guy. I want to marry him and be his best friend and his daughter all at once. I'm sorry, I'm just so excited about how incredible this man was. Does this manic blog post weirdly mimic his filmmaking style? If so, let's pretend that was my intention all along!
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